Not really what I was going for

In grade 10 we were given the assignment to write down five things we wanted to accomplish in our lives. I only remember one of the goals that I wrote down. I wanted to be on National television. I had been in a commercial and on a talk show but they were all only locally broadcasted. The goal was rather vague, it only stated, “be on National Television”. I count that goal as accomplished, however the goal was not fulfilled in anyway I had imagined.

After the shooting there was a strong media presence at the school for days following. You couldn’t go in or out of the school without being filmed or photographed. I remember watching the national news program one night and seeing myself. It was really strange. I remember thinking, “well it’s not at all what I had hoped for when I wrote down, ‘be on National television’, but I’m counting it as goal accomplished anyway.” I guess you could say I was looking for a silver lining, however dull it was.

I’ve actually been informed that my picture is also in a text book. I think it was a psych text book in a section about school shootings. I guess I should have written in my list of goals, “make it into a psych text book”. Doesn’t every little girl dream of having her image in the pages of a psych text book when she grows up? Oh well.  For now I’m quite content to keep my face local.

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