Change

I love music, well I love music that I love. Music can ease my mind and excite my soul. I am grateful for lyrics that speak to me and for me. One artist that I am quite fond of is Regina Spektor. Her songs are powerful and vibrant and her lyrics are pure poetry that make me think and feel. One song she sings called, Time Is All Around, has the lyrics: ‘Everybody wants to say that you have changed
Of course you’ve changed, you’ve changed Your mind’s been rearranged’.

People often change after experiencing traumatic events. It’s hard, you know you’ve changed and are trying to accept it, fight it, embrace it, find the good change, cope with the unwanted change, find what is called “your new normal”. It’s a struggle. These changes aren’t only hard and painful for the person experiencing them, they are hard and painful for anyone who loves and cares for that person. I had a lot of good and loving friends and family that helped me through a lot of hard things and I know it was hard for them as well. I know, I at times, left the people who had known me best before the shooting confused and frustrated. I had always been a fairly independent cheerful person who rarely if ever cried. I became needy in ways I hadn’t been before and would cry at the drop of a hat and have days when it was work to smile. Because of the ways I had changed, both positive and negative, my relationships with people changed as well. I had great support from my family and appreciate them. I also had great friends, I know that this time was hard on them for different reasons as well. Some people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder distance themselves from loved ones. I believe this is in part done to save their loved ones from having to deal with the pain of the changes. I know I felt like a burden to my friends at times but I’m grateful to those who persevered through the hard times with me.

For everyone who is there when someone is struggling through the changes caused by trauma, support them, love them, understand that they won’t be the same and continue to love them, try not to judge them, cry with them because it’s hard on you too and that’s Okay, you will laugh with them another day.

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