One day in Social class we were sitting discussing current events. The massacre at Columbine High school had just taken place the previous day and my teacher asked a simple question,”Could something like this happen here?”. I sat back and listened to the response, “No way”, “Things like that don’t happen here”, “No, our school is safe”. After listening for a little while and not agreeing, I decided to vocalize my opinion, “It could happen here just as likely as it could happen anywhere, and the fact that we think it can’t just makes it all the more likely.” Now if this had been a movie, I was watching, alarms would have gone off in my head, “Oh no! Ominous foreshadowing. Prepare for the worst”.But this was “real life” and foreshadowing isn’t for “real life”, is it?
One week later I was late for English class, taking my time walking behind three boys when the exact thing I said could happen, began to. A former student stepped into the school and started shooting. As I’ve sat and thought about it I have wondered, what are the odds that the person who claimed this could happen at our school is one of the few people to actually see it take place. There are other times in my life where I have had a sense that something tragic was going to take place just prior to something tragic occurring. I have also had inklings to things that may happen and had the reassuring feeling that things would work out for the best. In another life or with a different set of beliefs these things may have given me the urge to runaway, join the Gypsies, and take up fortune telling but I don’t believe that it is all some psychic power I have.
I think we all have things that we mentally prepare for. When I head out for a long run I tell myself,”This is going to be hard, and your going to want to quit, but your not going to quit and you’ll be happy you didn’t”. I know that I have had times when things have been sprung upon me when I’ve thought,”If I had time for a little mental preparation this would be easier”. Well I believe in another kind of preparation and that would be, spiritual preparation. I think there are times in our lives when God prepares us spiritually for things. We may not even recognize it, like in the case of me voicing my opinion that a shooting could take place at our school, it has a way of speaking through our subconscious.
I had thought about leaving the school that day but felt compelled to stay. I in no way believe that it was part of Gods plan to have this take place at our school. I believe in choice and that God allows us to make good choices as well as bad. I don’t necessarily believe God planned for anyone to die at our school that day, but I believe he accepted who he was willing to. I do believe that he knew it was going to happen and knew I would be there, and spiritually prepared me. Does believing that make it all better? No, but it makes me feel a sense of peace and acceptances that I wouldn’t otherwise feel. Do I believe that it was part of Gods plan for me to see what I saw? Lets put it this way, I once heard a woman say, “God doesn’t always cause things to happen, sometimes he just lets them happen and then says,”Ok, what are you going to do with this? Make it for good.”. Maybe he planned for me to be there maybe he just let me be there but either way I want to make it be more for good in my life than bad. I know that before the shooting and at other times in my life God has been there, spiritually preparing me saying, “This is going to be hard, and your going to want to quit, but your not going to quit and you’ll be happy you didn’t. You can make this for good.”
And yes I know I would make a great Gypsy, but I resist.